It's Not All Over
by nebula2
Summary: Spencer Reid reflects on his life after Gideon leaves the BAU. Written for the Theme Song Challenge on CCOAC. Pinch Hit for Fnuggi


**Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and it's character do not belong to me, I'm merely borrowing them for entertainment purposes.**

**AN: This is a pinch hit for Fnuggi for the Theme Song Challenge in CCOAC. Had a lot of fun writing it and the song, which I had never listened to, was cool. Thanks to Daisyangel for coming up with the title for this story!**

**Prompt: Spencer Reid/ It's All Over by Three Days Grace**

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><p>"That's it. I'm out," SSA Derek Morgan said, closing the folder he'd had open and tossing it onto the top of the outbox file. The folder contained the reports he needed to fill out concerning their most recent case in Portland.<p>

"Me too," Prentiss said. "I'll finish this tomorrow," closing the folder that was open in front of her.

It was getting late, and most other agents had left the building. The building's EVS employees were taken advantage of the almost empty building to do their cleaning, and the sound of the vacuum being used seemed loud in the otherwise quiet building.

"Reid, are you coming?" Morgan asked, getting to his feet.

"What?"

The young genius looked up from the papers in front of him at the sound of his co-workers voice. The look on his face though told Morgan that the younger agent clearly hadn't heard his question or the exchange that had preceded it.

"Prentiss and I are calling it a night. You coming with us?"

"No. I'm going to try to get some more work done," Reid told him, though in reality he had gotten very little done as it was. His mind was not on paperwork tonight despite the usual meditative effect that it normally had for him.

"Okay. See you tomorrow," Morgan said.

"Bye guys," Reid said, as both Morgan and Prentiss headed for the elevator.

Reid looked back down at the papers in front of him. He tried to concentrate on the task, but found his mind wandering to other things. Soon, his gaze was wandering too, and it didn't take long for it to fall on the now empty office that had use to belong to his boss and mentor.

Sighing, Reid closed the folder. _~It's pointless anyway. I'm getting nowhere with it tonight, ~_ he thought. Getting to his feet, Reid put the strap of his brown messenger bag over his right shoulder. Instead of following the path his co-workers had taken not long before, Reid headed for the nearby steps.

Making his way up to the walkway surrounding the bullpen, Reid saw that Hotch was still in his office, the unit chief engrossed in paperwork. The straight-laced unit chief was hard at work, and didn't glance up as Reid walked by the window on his way to his destination. Reaching the next office, the genius paused in front of the closed door, gazing upon the name plate.

Jason Gideon.

The two words held so many thoughts and emotions for Dr. Spencer Reid and right then they weren't all positive. Reaching out, he grasped the doorknob and opened the door. The slight squeak of the hinges sounded loud in the now empty bullpen, the lone EVS employee having moved on, as the door opened into the office. Stepping into the office, his footsteps echoing in the empty room, Reid flipped on the light and looked around.

Reid didn't see an empty office though. Instead, he saw things how they use to be. Beside him, the coat rack still stood, several jackets hanging from it. Reid still saw Gideon's desk where it had always sat, the elder profiler always looking at home behind it. Of course, the older profiler had looked at home no matter where he had been; in his office, in the conference room, on the jet, or even at the police station in whatever city they happened to be in. The man had confidence in himself and his ability, and that confidence gave him the ability to feel comfortable in any situation he found himself facing. It was something that Reid had always admired in the man.

Behind the desk were the shelves filled with books and other items. File boxes and folders were stacked and placed wherever there happened to be room. The table still sat across from his desk, the multitude of pictures of those people whom Gideon had helped save over the course of his career. Reid even saw the red chair where he had often sat, listening to his mentor give him advice for whatever the situation had been at the time. The older man had always been willing to share his experience with the younger agents.

~_He would always listen patiently no matter what the topic was, or how much I might be rambling on about some subject_, ~ Reid thought, as he paused in the middle of the room. The memories of all the chess games played, some late at night, neither of them wanting to head to their empty abodes, streamed through his head. ~_It's all over now though. There won't be any more talks. No more going to him for advice. No more chess games. He's gone. Just like my father walked out of my life one night, so did Gideon_.~

Sinking to the floor, Reid was soon sitting Indian style on the floor in the middle of the office. He took his bag off of his shoulder and placed it on the floor in front of him.

Their latest case had dealt with an UnSub that had killed people by exploiting their fears. It had been an ironic case for Reid, who was trying to deal with his greatest fear - abandonment. That's how he had felt upon finding Gideon's letter at the cabin. His feelings had been those of anger and betrayal as he had read those words written in Gideon's handwriting. The concern he had felt over the profiler's strange disappearance had suddenly dissolved without a trace.

Reaching into his bag, Reid pulled out the lone vial that was still there. It was the only remaining vial of the two he had taken off of Tobias' body in the cemetery. Despite the amount of the drug he had sent through his body, he had never actually used the stuff he had taken from Tobias Hankle and yet he had never gotten rid of it either. Even after he had quit using, he had still kept the two vials.

~_Guess in some twisted way, they were a type of memento of Tobias. A way to remember what he had done for me_, ~ Reid contemplated, looking down at the clear liquid in the vial he held.

There was only one vial now. Reading Gideon's had caused him to take a step backwards in his struggling with the problem he had with Dilaudid. Despite knowing it wasn't the way to go, Reid had left the cabin that night and gotten a hold of a needle. Within an hour of reading those words, he had been back at the cabin, injecting the drug into his body. The high that had followed had taken him away from the current situation, but as he had come off that high, his reality had closed in once again. Nothing had been solved. Feeling sick at what he had done, he had thrown the vial and what little had remained within it, hard against the cabin wall where it had shattered.

_~I haven't given in again since_, ~ Reid thought, still staring at the vial in his hand. ~_Not that I haven't been tempted to, but what good will it do me? Gideon will still be gone. I'll still be alone._~

The sound of footsteps made his fingers instinctively close around the glass vial. Looking up, he saw Hotch standing in the doorway.

"Reid," Hotch said, his voice revealing the surprise that he felt at finding his youngest agent in the empty office. "I was leaving, saw the light on and was wondering who was in here."

"I was just thinking about things," Reid replied, turning the hand he was clenching the vial of Dialaudid in over in his hand. He didn't even want to think about what Hotch would do if he found the vial on him.

"I don't think either one of us will figure out what Gideon was thinking when he left," Hotch said, a sad quality to his voice. "I've tried to put it all into perspective myself, and have finally come to the conclusion that I'm not going to understand it. This job takes a toll on everyone and Gideon finally reached the point where he couldn't face the job or anything associated with it anymore. He did what he had to do. The only thing we can do is to pick up the pieces and go on. We've still got UnSubs to catch."

Reid thought of something Gideon had told him once. "Catching the UnSub just means a battle has been won but the war still rages on."

"He shared that sentiment with you, did he?"

"Yeah."

"It really does describe our job though."

Reid found himself nodding.

After a few moments of silence, Hotch spoke again. "Do you want a ride home?"

Reid looked up at his unit chief once again and nodded. He didn't really feel like dealing with the subway right now. His hand still clenched around the vial, Reid got to his feet. As he left the office, he flipped the light off. Following Hotch toward the elevator, he took the opportunity to slip the vial back into the bag.

~_I really should get rid of it. Until I do, that temptation to use it will always be there_, ~ Reid thought as he stepped into the elevator with Hotch. Even as he thought the words though, he knew he wouldn't be doing that any time soon. He may have lost Gideon but he wasn't ready to let go of other things in his life. The thought of doing so was too scary to think about in the wake of his mentors departure.


End file.
